Happy Mother's Day!!

Perhaps you read my helpful indicator for teachers earlier this week. I am glad to report I’ve updated it with a few lines from Levi’s first grade teacher and her twin sister. They are the real deal. And they’re hilarious too.

Frankly, I have a more experience as a mom than a teacher. So, just in case you’re so sleep deprived and harried, that you can’t remember whether or not you’re a mom, I devised a simple indicator.

 

You Might be a Mom...

1.       If your purse doubles as a trash can, you might be a mom.

2.       If you carry baby wipes in your purse and vehicle long after your babies are grown, you might be a mom.

3.       If the sight of a potty chair evokes strong emotions of nostalgia, angst or the urge to yank down the pants of the nearest toddler, you might be a mom.

4.       If an extended hospitalization sounds like a vacation, you might be a mom.

5.       If you’ve ever been secretly relieved when a strep-test came back positive-knowing you’d be headed home with a precious bottle of antibiotics and all afflicted parties would be feeling better in 24 hours or less—you might be a mom.

6.       If you have mixed emotions about the sound of silence—alternately euphoria and dread—you might be a mom.

7.       If jumping on the trampoline is no longer a “care free” activity, you might be a mom.

8.       If you were a blubbering puddle of tears 15 minutes into Toy Story 3, you might be a mom.

9.       If you can leap from the front seat of your mini-van to the third row in a single bound and make a diving catch in order to rescue the upholstery from your carsick child, you might be a mom.

10.   If you’ve ever used your food processor in the garage during your child’s nap time to keep from waking him with the ear-splitting, vegetable-chopping noises, you might be a mom.

Your turn…

Happy Mother’s Day, Mamas!

Are You a Teacher?

Maybe it's been a long day, or a long week, or a long 8 months. And you know you've been going to work every day, but you're not sure if you're a zookeeper, a prison warden or a teacher.

I understand how that can happen. I spent a few days in the classroom last year as a substitute teacher, and I have nothing but deference and respect for you. In fact, I have previously recommended we remove our hats to salute a teacher whenever she walks in the room.

So, for Teacher Appreciation Week, I've provided a few indicators based on my limited classroom experience to help you determine if you might be a teacher.

I suspect there are a few REAL teachers who could add to this helpful list. Please do so in the blog comments, or the facebook comments.

You Might be a Teacher

1. If you’ve ever identified the graffiti artist by the way the words are misspelled, you might be a teacher. 

2. If you can tell the content of a child’s complaint by the tone with which he says your name, you might be a teacher.

3. If you have ever looked at a Hershey bar or large pizza and suddenly formulated a lesson plan about fractions, you might be a teacher.

4. If you’ve ever accidentally used the terms “inappropriate response” or “expected behavior” with your spouse, you might be a teacher.

 

5. If you’ve ever considered writing a letter of complaint to Dixon and Oriental Trading Company for making pencils that never sharpen, you might be a teacher. 

6. If you’ve ever thought of creating a facebook fan page for Ticonderoga because they make pencils that actually DO sharpen, you might be a teacher.

 

     7.  If you've ever attended an "Indoor Recess Support Group," you might be a teacher.

 

Teachers, your turn :-)

Update: Levi's first grade teacher and her twin sister added these hilarious tidbits:

If you go to sit in your chair and find it's already taken by a kid "warming it up," you might be a teacher.

If you can sing songs about giant gas balls in space--particularly Uranus, without batting an eye, you might be a teacher.

If you can break into song and dance while teaching addition and subtraction or r-controlled vowels, you might be a teacher.

If you can tell the difference between "I need to go to the bathroom" and "I NEED to go to the bathroom," you might be a teacher.

If a magical drink of water cures a stomach ache, a headache, or even a sliver, you might be a teacher.

If you feel like a rock star every time you go to Wal-Mart because kids are hollering your name, you might be a teacher.

If you correct kids' behavior no matter where you are, you might be a teacher.

If you feel the need to do the "attention clap" at the dinner table, you might be a teacher.

If there are times in those public places you really wish you had your playground whistle, you might be a teacher.

If you have to go hug and talk to at least 4 kids when picking up your own kids, you might be a teacher.

If you've ever walked around sniffing kids for the cause of that "unusual smell," you might be a teacher.

Or if you just say, "does anyone need to go to the bathroom?" after smelling the unusual smell, you might be a teacher.

 If you get more excited about birthday treats than your kids, you might be a teacher!

If you sneak an extra of the really good birthday treats (or am I the only one?), you might be a teacher.